2018 has been a year filled with radical and abrupt changes. It seems as if everything is shifting, pages are turning and new beginnings are presenting themselves. I can honestly say that this has been my best year yet. I can clearly see all the beautiful changes I’ve made to myself, the growth I’ve been through and all the lessons I learned. As I see myself becoming that dream version of me, I notice the amount of people around starting to decrease. Nobody really talks about the loneliness that can come on your path of self discovery and growth, but let me tell you it’s real.
✩ WHY DO FRIENDSHIPS END? ✩
The most beautiful thing about life is that nothing is permanent. Everything is constantly evolving, the seasons are always changing, and we are constantly shedding layers of ourselves. The constant state of growth that we are all in comes with creating new connections, and losing old ones as well. We form connections with people because at that moment they are what we need. All of the relationships we’ve ever had were actually for a reason! The same way we attract things, we attract relationships too. This could be because we are simply vibrating at the same frequency as them or there being things to learn from them.
As we grow, as we change, we no longer need these relationships. We may have gotten all we can get out of the friendship, or you simply just don’t relate to the same things. While some friendships may be lifelong, many are not and that is completely okay.
✩ RECOGNIZING FRIENDSHIPS ON ITS DEATHBED ✩
It doesn’t always have to be something drastic to cause you to reflect on the state of your friendships. I started realizing I was outgrowing my friends by the way I felt when I was hanging out with them. The things that used to bring me a lot happiness was starting to drain me. The conversations I had with these people left me unfulfilled. I started to actually feel uncomfortable, sometimes upset, just being around the people I called my best friends.
This feeling of discomfort or fulfillment with the friendship just continued to grow whenever I was around them. I tried to pinpoint why I kept feeling like this. Each time I tried to pinpoint the change, it led back to me. I no longer had their shared interest, I no longer had the same priorities. The person I was when the friendship started is not the person I am today. Recognizing that I was holding on to something I no longer needed was hard. It wasn’t just a “something” I was holding on to, it was people I loved.
✩ LEAVING FRIENDSHIPS BEHIND ✩
Cutting someone off just seems … harsh. How can I excuse leaving behind a person that did so much for me ? I felt guilty for no longer wanting to maintain these friendships. I knew that I was starting to feel drained being around these people, but I couldn’t let go. A lot of us have a sense of loyalty to those we love. Loyalty is a great characteristic, but it can hold you back. Friendships ending doesn’t have to mean love is lost. You can still appreciate that person and all they’ve done for you still. It’s just recognizing that maybe this chapter is over. The same way change causes you to out grow people, you will find new souls to enjoy this beautiful.
Shifting into this new chapter is scary. Cultivating new friendships may not be instant. And leaving a friendship may not be easy. You need to listen to your soul though.
Have you now made peace with old friendships but stuck on where to go from there? A post on thriving in loneliness will be up tomorrow